ON having A second infant (DISCUSSION CONTINUED)

I asked my buddy Deborah to evaluate in on the decision to have a second baby. I understand that Deb doesn’t throw caution to the wind when it pertains to major life decisions, so I am happy to share her contribution to this discussion.

I was thrilled as well as relieved that Whitney asked me to evaluate on the present Rookie Mom’s discussion about whether or not to have a second child. Thrilled since I like Whitney as well as Heather’s site as well as feel humbled by the request to do a guest post; relieved since this is something my hubby as well as I have been speaking about for months as well as I requirement to lastly put pen to paper to untangle assist a few of my thoughts.

I sit down as well as compose this with a sense of irony since I’m already seven months expecting with number two. So I assumption you might state I’m rationalizing the decision rather than making it, however I don’t believe the believed process needs to be substantially different for somebody who is thinking about a second (or third or fourth) rather than getting ready for one who is already mid-cook.

First of all, I believe that you can’t make a wrong decision here. If you choose to have one more kid, that’s great. If you choose not to have one more kid, that’s fantastic too. It’s 100% as much as you since you are the only one who lives in your skin as well as understand what you are ready to online with. I assumption I must somewhat customize that last statement as well as state that it’s 100% as much as you as well as your partner, however rather honestly, if you’re not 100% on board it may not matter what your partner believes. Yes, marriage is about jeopardize however let’s be sensible here. Agreeing to spend Christmas with your household as well as Thanksgiving with your in-laws is one thing, however agreeing to care for a human life for a minimum of 18 years is another. You requirement to figure out what you want to indication up for in your life.

To be rather honest, we were ambivalent about having kids. (Leah as well as Number Two: When you are old sufficient to checked out this, please don’t take this ambivalence personally. It was before we understood you!)  We made a decision that if it was indicated to be, it would occur however we were not going to go to any type of fantastic procedures to procreate. Well, it occurred as well as it’s been wonderful. Sure, it’s been hard, stressful, exhausting as well as so on, however a life with our 18-month old Leah is much much better than a life without her.

So that gets us to the matter at hand: whether or not to have #2. I keep in mind three conversations that led to our decision. The very first was with two good friends who are only children. While they lamented not having devoted playmates as children, they believe it’s harder now as an adult. No matter exactly how much your spouse or your good friends care about your own parents, at the end of the day, the utmost obligation lands on the offspring. as well as without any type of siblings, that leaves one person in charge. households are untidy as well as a sibling is no assurance of any type of kind of support system, however it definitely boosts one’s chances. The second conversation was the very first in which I tossed out the concept of having one more infant to my husband. I believe the exchange lasted for about the two blocks as well as the final thought was yes, we were available to it. Sometime between that conversation as well as Leah’s very first birthday we talked about it again. this time around we discussed the truth that there was no assurance that our siblings will have kids, so not only might Leah be an only child, however an only kid without cousins. There is a great deal of like in our household as well as channeling two parents, four grandparents, an aunt as well as an uncle’s worth of like all on one youngster seemed a bit intense. Why not distribute the like across at least one more person?

In the end, it came down to gut as well as timing. The believed of Leah being an only kid made me sad. I don’t understand why, however it just did. as well as I try to depend on my gut. Also, the decision was type of produced us. I believe I was off the pill for about five minutes before getting expecting with number two. That’s when any type of remnant of wavering (and there was rather a bit) turned into rationalizing. (On one more topic: might ambivalence boost fertility?)

Name an emotion as well as we’re feeling it ideal now: fear, anxiety, excitement, dread, hope, joy, anticipation, submission, surprise, love. 

The believed that there is a respectable possibility we may get one more youngster like Leah is reason sufficient to be over the moon. however if we just had one Leah, that would be okay, too. Again, no wrong decisions can be made.

I am due in January as well as there is no question that 2012 will be a dark year. There will be a great deal of things we will not be able to quickly do, life will be more expensive, as well as sleep may be nonexistent. however it’s simple to get caught up in the infant years since that’s all we know. At some point in the not so far-off future, we exit the hazing phase as well as begin to experience a more “normal” life as a family: movie nights eating popcorn on the couch, art projects, hand me downs, giggle fits at the kitchen area table, fighting in the back seat of the car, playing house/school/monster invasion/whatever they can imagine. At the end of the day, the decision was simple: a lot of things are available in sets of four, not three. Therefore, I believed our household should, too.

photos courtesy of Deborah Kelson. checked out more of Deb’s experiences with motherhood on her blog.